Most recently...

I know it's been forever but here's a little bit of news from my end of the world... I've started woring at a used car dealership, on top of my dorm job, untill I save enough money to leave the dorm. I'm still learning but I really love it. Classes are ending and it's finals week, so I get a nice little break till summer semester. And the best news of all, pancake is finally gaining weight, and eating like a horse. I was worried there for a while because she was soooooo skinny when I got her, but she's doing great now, and even cuddles with me sometimes. :) Hope all is well with you all, happy blogging!

Blood donor

I gave blood today- and didn't even faint!!! :) I'm a big fan of blood and organ donation, although every time I do, I end up really sick. The last time I donated was last February, and I ended up fainting in the girl's restroom in the UCF student union. I haven't donated since, because I had to go to the er and had a HORRIBLE experience, so I took a break from donating, but now I'm BACK! This time I ate lunch, went straight to the blood bus, and as soon as I left, ate again. If you don't donate, you really should. Feeling a little yucky for a day is a small price to pay to save 3 children- or one adults lives.  and as long as you take care of yourself, you won't even feel yucky or anything! So... donate today! :)

Frisco

I'm very sad to announce that after ten years of being the best pet snake a girl could ask for, Frisco passed away on Sunday, March 22, 2009, at the age of 15. He'd been very lethargic lately, and denied food (again) the previous wednesday. Saturday night he was hardly moving, and Sunday morning he died in my arms, while I was searching hysterically for an emergency vet that could help him. Unfortunately, there is no emergency with a ball python that is worth the time of a qualified vet on a Sunday. As sad as I am, I'm glad that he was so loved in his life, and I'm happy that if he was sick, at least he will never be in pain again. 

Pancake

Well, I broke down and got a kitty. She's the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life, she's all gray, and her tail is gray with black stripes. She's skinny as a rail, but I'm trying to fix that, and she's incredibly curious. At one and a half years old, she wants to know what everything is about, how it works, and why it isn't in pieces yet. And if it's not in pieces, she will do her best to get it there, because that's how everything should look, right? She loves typing, chewing on cords, biting the hand that feeds her, and tipping her water bowl over. She hates newcomers, and Frisco. But I am convinced they will learn to love each other in time.Until then, they will remain in separate parts of the room. Here are some pics. :) PS I couldn't figure out how to get my pics at the bottom of the post, so you already saw the pics... lol Hope you like em!

Bummed

First off, let me say that I am not typically a negative or pessimistic person, but lately I'm having a lapse in positive attitude. For starters, I was really excited for my spring break, because I recently re-connected with a friend from high school, who I hadn't spoken to in about two years. We planned to spend three days hanging out and going to the beach, and generally just being lazy, fun loving young people. He was due to arrive Monday afternoon (today). But Friday, he called me around 6:30 pm, and informed me that his house had been broken into, and he was robbed of quite a bit of money, along with some personal things. Of course this meant he could not make it to our trip. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be in his position, and I don't blame him at all for not being able to make it, but I can't help being bummed about it. I was so looking forward to seeing him again, as well as a much- needed vacation for me. I was talking to a friend about it that night, and the next day he suggested we go to Disney world for a day or two. I of course said yes, Disney IS my favorite place in the world after all. So I got way excited, and my friend was going to come over tonight, and stay the night so we could go early tomorrow. An hour before he was suppose to leave his house, he informs me  that he has food poisoning, and can't make it.

Now, I'm really upset, because I was so looking forward to the trip. It seems that every time I make plans, and get really excited about something, it falls through. This isn't the first time this has happened. It really happens almost every time I make plans, even since I was a little girl. I'm worried about my friend of course because he's sick and I'm sure he feels horrid. But I'm still really disappointed, and let down. Maybe I'm selfish, or a bad person, but I really wonder why it is that this keeps happening? Other people don't seem to have this problem. Maybe it's Karma for all the bad things I've done in my life. Whatever the reason, I'm bummed.

Happy Spring break everybody.

Completely confused

I went out the other day with a guy who is pretty interesting, very cute, knows how to make me laugh. All that junk that girls like, he's good at it. I've been out with him a few times before, and this time we went back to his place at the end of the night. We watched half of another movie and decided to head to bed. Here's the weird part. He didn't want to have sex. I'm not saying I was like throwing myself at him, but he could have at least tried. I've never met a man who doesn't want to have sex with me. I just don't get it. On the one hand, it's sweet that he respects me and all. But on the other hand, it's like, damn. What the hell? Last time I checked I was pretty damn gorgeous, what's his problem? I'm just totally thrown off here, I mean, what's so wrong with me that he isn't even interested in that? I think it's definitely too soon, but I at least expected a little protest. Nothing. I'm completely thrown. Last time I checked, when a guy had a pretty girl in his bed, he tried. He didn't, and ya know what? I don't like it. I'm kind of offended actually. Hmph. 

Kramer vs Kramer

I'm taking a film class, and yesterday we watched a movie called Kramer vs Kramer. The movie is about a couple who have been married for 8 years, and have a 6 year old son together. One day the mother decides that she's not good enough and walks out. 18 months later, after the father and son have adjusted to living life without the mother, she comes back and says she wants her son back, and sues for custody. She ends up winning custody but at the end of the story she doesn't take the son, because she doesn't want to turn his world upside down again. Watching this movie brought me back to my own childhood, when my parents were locked in a brutal custody battle for my brothers and I. In my case, we had to meet with a guardian atlightem every week or so, to determine which parent we wanted to live with. I consistently wanted to be with my Daddy, but my brothers wanted to be with our Mom. My older brother, who is not my father's son, but the product of my mother's previous marriage, wanted to live with our Mom because he was abused by my father, as a result of his alcoholism, from which he is now recovering, and my twin brother wanted to live with our Mom because he is a Mamma's boy, and had never gone a night away from her. I was very much a Daddy's girl and wanted to spend the rest of my days with him, watching baseball and eating cheeseburgers. 

Since we were all so young (My twin and I were 6, our brother 10), and since the court favors mothers, and keeps children, especially twins, together (among other reasons that I was not privy to at the time), we were assigned to our mother's house, in Florida, with her new husband and a stepsister we had never met. 

The one theme from Kramer vs Kramer that really resonated with me, was that the little boy's world would be flipped around, again, just as it had 18 months before, and just as it had in mine, and so many other children's cases. I hope that when I one day have children and/or get married, I will remember what I went through, and hopefully come to a peaceful agreement, without hurting the children too much.

Problems with the boss

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that I really dislike my boss. But today I'm going to give you a big list of reasons why I dislike my boss, in hopes that I'm not alone in disliking him. ***If it turns out I'm just being a spoiled rotten brat, please let me know, so I don't continue in my unfounded dislike of a good boss. 

1. He spends 60% of his time changing rules, creating memos to alert us of said rule changes, and creating punishments for write ups that have yet to be incurred for breaking said rule changes. 

2. Plans meetings to alert us of said rule changes, despite the fact that we have a set meeting on the 20Th of every month (which never actually happens because he has various other meetings throughout the month)

3. During said meetings, he explains, in excruciating detail, the new procedure changes, talks to us as though we are children who cannot possibly understand said new procedure, then warns us that if we fail to follow these new procedures, he will be forced to give us a write up, and therefore forced to give us punishments for the write ups, such as washing dishes in the kitchen, picking up garbage, or checking keys to doors. Despite the fact that we were neither hired as groundskeepers or kitchen staff. 

4. After issuing said write ups, gives the failure a lengthy speech explaining that he did not want to write us up, but we simply left him no choice. And when he explains to co-workers what exactly we did wrong, an what exactly the punishment was, said manager laughs hysterically, as if it were the funniest thing he'd done all day. 

5. He is lazy, unclear, and sexist. He pawns off the work that he deems unsuitable for his highness, onto us peons, doesn't explain the task fully, and then proceeds to get mad and issue more write ups when the tasks are not completed, or are done incorrectly. For example: Task- "Check unmatched door locks" Now what exactly does that mean? To my knowledge the locks were not color- coordinated. When asked to explain a little more fully, he tells us this is why he doesn't like to hire girls, and to make sure it is done this night, or we will incur yet another write up. 

6. Discusses employees job performances with other employees. This is neither professional, nor ethical. Personnel files should remain confidential, and should never be discussed with other employees. Gossip only causes problems people. 

7. Devised a four page test to determine our level of knowledge about the job, makes almost every question so unclear that any answer could be counted wrong, and then tells us that if we don't do well on this test, our jobs could suffer. He then announces that this test will be administered every meeting.

8. *This may be a problem with the company its self, but I'm going to pretend its my boss's fault, because it makes me feel better.  Puts employees in a position to be dependent on the company, then takes advantage of them as much as possible. Let me elaborate. Here at my job, 5 people work 13 days a month in exchange for free rent. In October, one person left, leaving four. Because my sexist boss wont hire a female (even though at least 7 women have applied, and are qualified for the job) we have gone four months shorthanded. This means we work more days, for the same pay. And there is nothing we can do about it, because no one else is hiring, and most of us don't have the money to move out, because we would have to work two jobs, on top of school, which would mean our schoolwork would suffer because of all the hours we work. Not to mention that nobody is hiring anyway.

9. Tells myself and the only other girl who works in my position, that we are useless, because we can't move a full sized bed all by ourselves. Despite the fact that we make up for it in our sales tactics and people skills (which the guys who work here are lacking).

10. And finally, he threatens our jobs as often as possible, because he knows we can't leave, and he likes reminding us that we have nowhere else to go.

If I'm wrong in my dislike, please let me know. If not, please help me figure out how to deal with this evil dictator and make it out alive! And don't tell me to find another job, because there aren't any!

Loss

This is the story of a man's addiction, and his mother's pain.

For the past ten years, following an injury of some kind, a man has been addicted to prescription drugs. This of course is a mother's worst fear, because of how extremely difficult it is to overcome. They battled the disease together, the nights she lay awake in terror, hoping and praying he was safe, he, at times unable to resist the urge to get high, not seeing the pain he caused his mother and sister. 

Recently, the mother had moved out of state, and a few months later he was arrested. After spending two weeks in jail, he made bail, and walked from the jail to a clinic, where he knew of a twisted doctor, who would give him some of the pills he desperately craved. The doctor prescribed him Oxycotten, Zanex, and Soma. He then walked to a nearby hotel, where he injected the medicine in his arms. His mother spent another evening in agony, worrying and praying that he was safe, and would call. By the next morning, when he hadn't called, she sent a friend to find him. She stayed on the phone as he banged on the door, and finally called the police. She was on the phone when they broke down the door, and when they saw him, slumped over the desk, head in his palm, looking out the window, smiling. 

There are no words to describe a mother's love for her baby boy. She and her daughter had gone to the morgue that day to say goodbye to him. She told of his little hands, his dimples, the little hairs on his arm as she held his hand and said goodbye. She was beside herself when she recalled the ice cold skin, how his bones were stuck in the position he was in when he died, hunched over and stiff as a board.

After she retold her story, she broke down, sobbing for her son, simply repeating over and over "I couldn't save my baby."

I am no stranger to addiction, my father is a recovering alcoholic, a family friend recently died of a cocaine overdose, but there is one thing I know; no one can ever understand or even relate to a mother's love, and when a mother loses her baby, there is nothing in the world that can comfort her. My heart aches for this mother, I pray for her, I cry for her, and I wish no other mother ever has to feel that pain. 

If there is one thing I hope you take from this post, it is that your actions affect so many, especially those close. People with this disease can not see this, can't understand that the few moments of being high, that little trip, are incomparable to the reprocussions that come from it. If you are addicted please get help. If you have ever tried any drugs, don't do it again, it isn't worth it. Do it for your mother.

I apologize for my extended absence, but my health has returned! :) Also, I gave a speech yesterday about myself, which went okay, but I'm still working on keeping myself calm during them. So far not much news to share with you guys though... So this is gonna be a pretty short post. Well I will report back when I have more news! Happy blogging all. :)

Blog update!!

I am happy to announce three things. 

1. Today is my birthday!!! I'm a whole two decades old today! :D

2. I have been given an award, called the butterfly award, by Tricia at papercages. Apparently  it is an award for the coolest blogs she knows, which is quite a compliment! :) Thanks. 

3. I have new readers!! :D Yayyyy I  have gotten a few emails and comments on my blog, which only inspires me to write more right away!!! 

I am however, stuck in bed with a cold, and so, although I apologize for my lapse in posts, and will continue as soon as my health improves. Thanks for your patience!! :)

My First Speech

I had to give a speech today. I had to get up in front of forty people I don't know, and talk about what success means to me. It was an impromptu speech, which means you pull a topic out of a hat, think about it for a minute, then get up and speak about it for a maximum of one minute... Sounds easy right? Not so much. I can get up in front of a thousand people in a crowded airport and sing any song you ask me to with no problems, but ask me to speak in front of anyone I don't know and I start shaking and stuttering like a moron.

I have already dropped this class twice, and since it's a requirement to graduate, my advisor made me sign up for it, and won't let me drop it anymore until I pass it. Sadist.

Thankfully, no one laughed at me and I kept my stuttering to a minimum (I think), and at the end of my torture session, surprisingly, everyone clapped. 

And in the interest of growing and becoming a better person, I was inspired to challenge myself to overcome my fear of public speaking, along with my stutter, by the time end of this semester. I will post updates on my blog and re-read this post at the end of the semester, and hopefully, I will have achieved my goal, or at least come close. 

And since I know you love a challenge just as much as I do, I am challenging my readers as well. I challenge you to overcome a fear that you have had for a long time, and as a result, become a better person. Keep me posted, I'll do the same.

Lonely or just alone?

I think loneliness is the worst part about being alone. Typically, i like my alone time, i get to relax with my thoughts and a good book and have my down time before work or after a long day. But on nights like tonight, when all I did was work all day, and there is no one to come home to, it hits me, and i realize that maybe being alone all the time isn't the best idea. I don't like being in big crowds or parties because I get nervous around all the people, and all the people my age are really interested in drinking and smoking and generally acting like idiots. I'm just not interested in all of that, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone to relax on the couch with after work or something. 

I guess this is what happens when I watch chick-flicks at midnight. 

Chivalry? Dead?

When I get myself into a relationship with someone, there are hundreds of qualities that attract me to that person, but there is really only a few things that will cause me to leave and never look back. One major thing that  will get a man kicked out of my life really quickly is inconsideration. If you make plans with me, keep them. Period. If something really came up, at least give me the courtesy of a call. Even a text message will do. Just let me know. Don't let me wait around for six hours wondering what kind of arrogant jackass would care so little for me that it wouldn't even cross his mind to let me know he's not coming. 

I'm a simple girl, I want just a few things from a guy. Respect, courtesy, and loyalty. I refuse to believe that chivalry really is dead. With over six billion men in the world, how can it be that not one of the thousands that I come across here at college have any  idea what courtesy and respect are. When I was in high school, it was well understood that if my date didn't knock on the door, call my parents Sir and Ma'am, and open doors for a lady, I was not going out with him. I'm not saying I expect all those things from a guy. But damn, how do guys even get dates anymore when they treat women like dirt? How can it be that a guy can be so inconsiderate, and she will still go out with him in the future? I'm just as guilty of this as most of us girls are, because chances are, I'll give him another chance. And hundreds more. Even if he doesn't deserve it.

Guys: Send a text. It takes two seconds to say "something came up, ttyl". Then we wouldn't be sitting around waiting, looking like dumbasses waiting on you. And our feelings wouldn't be hurt, saving you the hassle of a big argument with a million tears. 

Sorry if this is not the usual exceptional example of my writing abilities, I'm kind of venting. But you get the point anyway. Guys, get a clue. Girls, don't put up with that crap. 

Lucky (update on Feeding Frisco)

I made the mistake of letting Frisco digest some of last night's meal before feeding him the second rat. I woke up early this morning to feed Frisco a nice yummy breakfast, dropped the innocent little rat in Frisco's cage, closed the lid and let him at it. After five minutes of the usual horrific feeding process described yesterday, I see the little rat jumping up and down in glee for having escaped the jaws of my obviously not-so-hungry snake. I of course have never seen this happen before... Typically Frisco will not eat white rats, but will at least kill it, making disposal far easier, if less pleasant, for me.

Apparently Frisco was not in such a giving mood today. So after ten minutes of negotiating, begging, and yelling at Frisco to just do me a favor, eat the rat and be done with it, I was forced to try to rescue the obnixiously victorious little rat from my failure-of-a-snake's cage. Not such an easy task. I am smart enough to know that when a rat and a snake are in close proximity, one does not stick a hand insde said proximity, because since snakes don't have the greatest of eysight, if they choose to strike the rat, they may miss said rat, and extracting oneself from a hungry snake's grasp is extremely difficult, and can be extremely painful. So I bravely grabbed a section of today's newspaper, and tried to grab the stupid little rat while keeping an eye out for Frisco just in case he decided he was hungry. After a good twenty minutes of once again negotiating, begging, and yelling at the rat to get away from the snake and closer to my hand, I was back where I started. Obviously the little rat didn't trust me, and I don't blame it. After all, I did drop it in a cage-o-death with a seemingly very hungry snake. I finally pulled Frisco out of the cage, set him in the bathtub (since he was covered in rat-poo i was not putting him anywhere else), dropped a gift bag in the cage and let the little rat jump in it, quickly sealing the top of it and pulling him to safety, then proceeded to clean out Frisco's cage, give Frisco a bath (not my favorite thing to do), and figure out what to do with the arrogant little rat. 

Now I have a pet snake and a little rat named Lucky, that I have no idea what to do with. I feel bad setting him off in the wild only to be eaten by a stray cat or a different hungry snake, and now I have something of an emotional bond with the little guy, especially now that I've named him. I guess I'll have to get him a little cage and some toys or something. Does anybody even know how to take care of a rat? I mean seriously, do they even do anything? What do they eat? Should I set it free? Keep it as a pet? Give it away? Someone please direct me here, I am completely torn between keeping him safe and warm in my little home, and setting him free to the stray cats and other hungry snakes.

As for Frisco, we are not on speaking terms.

Feeding Frisco

I have a pet snake named Frisco. He's been with me for about ten years, and to this day, feeding him is the saddest thing I ever do. He has to eat rats, and only live ones. I completely understand his need for nourishment and all, but there's something about dropping a live rat in his cage that is somehow extremely depressing to me. I mean, here is this innocent little rat at the pet store, minding his own business, hanging out with his other rat-buddies, and here I come all high and mighty like I'm God or something, plop him in a little box, cart him home, and proceed to toss him in a locked cage with a hungry snake. How cruel is that? Typically, it goes quickly- hungry snake nabs rat, rat squeals, hungry snake squeezes tighter, rat dies. But today, this little rat was fighting for all it was worth, wriggling as hard as he could to escape its demise, at one point even resorted to gnawing on Frisco's side, squealing as loud as possible, and as soon as I thought it was over, he started squealing again. This went on for twenty agonizing minutes. 

I hate watching this grotesque exhibit of the circle of life, but I fear for Frisco's health, and I want to know if the rats ever bite him, so I know to watch the area for infection. 

I cried like a little baby today during this horrific show. Never in the ten years that Frisco has been in my life, has it ever taken more than five minutes for the rat to die. After ten minutes of this torture I wanted to pull the little rat out and set him free, but of course if I had done that my lovely darling Frisco would have eaten one of my fingers for lunch instead. One does not take food from a hungry snake's mouth. At least, a smart one doesn't. 

So for twenty minutes of torture I watched in sadness, through running mascara and big crocodile tears, praying that the poor little rat would give in, and knowing he wouldn't. Finally, after two hours, it was over, the sweet little rat was overtaken by my big, mean, heartless snake, and Frisco finished devouring his dinner and was now wiping his mouth and staring at me as if he just finished eating a piece of candy and wanted more. 

I love Frisco very dearly, and of course want him to be well fed and taken care of, in a home with lots of love and a good heat lamp, however, I am sad for the little rat, and am hoping and praying that the next time I have to feed Frisco, someone else will do it.