Completely confused

I went out the other day with a guy who is pretty interesting, very cute, knows how to make me laugh. All that junk that girls like, he's good at it. I've been out with him a few times before, and this time we went back to his place at the end of the night. We watched half of another movie and decided to head to bed. Here's the weird part. He didn't want to have sex. I'm not saying I was like throwing myself at him, but he could have at least tried. I've never met a man who doesn't want to have sex with me. I just don't get it. On the one hand, it's sweet that he respects me and all. But on the other hand, it's like, damn. What the hell? Last time I checked I was pretty damn gorgeous, what's his problem? I'm just totally thrown off here, I mean, what's so wrong with me that he isn't even interested in that? I think it's definitely too soon, but I at least expected a little protest. Nothing. I'm completely thrown. Last time I checked, when a guy had a pretty girl in his bed, he tried. He didn't, and ya know what? I don't like it. I'm kind of offended actually. Hmph. 

Kramer vs Kramer

I'm taking a film class, and yesterday we watched a movie called Kramer vs Kramer. The movie is about a couple who have been married for 8 years, and have a 6 year old son together. One day the mother decides that she's not good enough and walks out. 18 months later, after the father and son have adjusted to living life without the mother, she comes back and says she wants her son back, and sues for custody. She ends up winning custody but at the end of the story she doesn't take the son, because she doesn't want to turn his world upside down again. Watching this movie brought me back to my own childhood, when my parents were locked in a brutal custody battle for my brothers and I. In my case, we had to meet with a guardian atlightem every week or so, to determine which parent we wanted to live with. I consistently wanted to be with my Daddy, but my brothers wanted to be with our Mom. My older brother, who is not my father's son, but the product of my mother's previous marriage, wanted to live with our Mom because he was abused by my father, as a result of his alcoholism, from which he is now recovering, and my twin brother wanted to live with our Mom because he is a Mamma's boy, and had never gone a night away from her. I was very much a Daddy's girl and wanted to spend the rest of my days with him, watching baseball and eating cheeseburgers. 

Since we were all so young (My twin and I were 6, our brother 10), and since the court favors mothers, and keeps children, especially twins, together (among other reasons that I was not privy to at the time), we were assigned to our mother's house, in Florida, with her new husband and a stepsister we had never met. 

The one theme from Kramer vs Kramer that really resonated with me, was that the little boy's world would be flipped around, again, just as it had 18 months before, and just as it had in mine, and so many other children's cases. I hope that when I one day have children and/or get married, I will remember what I went through, and hopefully come to a peaceful agreement, without hurting the children too much.

Problems with the boss

I'm sure I'm not alone when I say that I really dislike my boss. But today I'm going to give you a big list of reasons why I dislike my boss, in hopes that I'm not alone in disliking him. ***If it turns out I'm just being a spoiled rotten brat, please let me know, so I don't continue in my unfounded dislike of a good boss. 

1. He spends 60% of his time changing rules, creating memos to alert us of said rule changes, and creating punishments for write ups that have yet to be incurred for breaking said rule changes. 

2. Plans meetings to alert us of said rule changes, despite the fact that we have a set meeting on the 20Th of every month (which never actually happens because he has various other meetings throughout the month)

3. During said meetings, he explains, in excruciating detail, the new procedure changes, talks to us as though we are children who cannot possibly understand said new procedure, then warns us that if we fail to follow these new procedures, he will be forced to give us a write up, and therefore forced to give us punishments for the write ups, such as washing dishes in the kitchen, picking up garbage, or checking keys to doors. Despite the fact that we were neither hired as groundskeepers or kitchen staff. 

4. After issuing said write ups, gives the failure a lengthy speech explaining that he did not want to write us up, but we simply left him no choice. And when he explains to co-workers what exactly we did wrong, an what exactly the punishment was, said manager laughs hysterically, as if it were the funniest thing he'd done all day. 

5. He is lazy, unclear, and sexist. He pawns off the work that he deems unsuitable for his highness, onto us peons, doesn't explain the task fully, and then proceeds to get mad and issue more write ups when the tasks are not completed, or are done incorrectly. For example: Task- "Check unmatched door locks" Now what exactly does that mean? To my knowledge the locks were not color- coordinated. When asked to explain a little more fully, he tells us this is why he doesn't like to hire girls, and to make sure it is done this night, or we will incur yet another write up. 

6. Discusses employees job performances with other employees. This is neither professional, nor ethical. Personnel files should remain confidential, and should never be discussed with other employees. Gossip only causes problems people. 

7. Devised a four page test to determine our level of knowledge about the job, makes almost every question so unclear that any answer could be counted wrong, and then tells us that if we don't do well on this test, our jobs could suffer. He then announces that this test will be administered every meeting.

8. *This may be a problem with the company its self, but I'm going to pretend its my boss's fault, because it makes me feel better.  Puts employees in a position to be dependent on the company, then takes advantage of them as much as possible. Let me elaborate. Here at my job, 5 people work 13 days a month in exchange for free rent. In October, one person left, leaving four. Because my sexist boss wont hire a female (even though at least 7 women have applied, and are qualified for the job) we have gone four months shorthanded. This means we work more days, for the same pay. And there is nothing we can do about it, because no one else is hiring, and most of us don't have the money to move out, because we would have to work two jobs, on top of school, which would mean our schoolwork would suffer because of all the hours we work. Not to mention that nobody is hiring anyway.

9. Tells myself and the only other girl who works in my position, that we are useless, because we can't move a full sized bed all by ourselves. Despite the fact that we make up for it in our sales tactics and people skills (which the guys who work here are lacking).

10. And finally, he threatens our jobs as often as possible, because he knows we can't leave, and he likes reminding us that we have nowhere else to go.

If I'm wrong in my dislike, please let me know. If not, please help me figure out how to deal with this evil dictator and make it out alive! And don't tell me to find another job, because there aren't any!

Loss

This is the story of a man's addiction, and his mother's pain.

For the past ten years, following an injury of some kind, a man has been addicted to prescription drugs. This of course is a mother's worst fear, because of how extremely difficult it is to overcome. They battled the disease together, the nights she lay awake in terror, hoping and praying he was safe, he, at times unable to resist the urge to get high, not seeing the pain he caused his mother and sister. 

Recently, the mother had moved out of state, and a few months later he was arrested. After spending two weeks in jail, he made bail, and walked from the jail to a clinic, where he knew of a twisted doctor, who would give him some of the pills he desperately craved. The doctor prescribed him Oxycotten, Zanex, and Soma. He then walked to a nearby hotel, where he injected the medicine in his arms. His mother spent another evening in agony, worrying and praying that he was safe, and would call. By the next morning, when he hadn't called, she sent a friend to find him. She stayed on the phone as he banged on the door, and finally called the police. She was on the phone when they broke down the door, and when they saw him, slumped over the desk, head in his palm, looking out the window, smiling. 

There are no words to describe a mother's love for her baby boy. She and her daughter had gone to the morgue that day to say goodbye to him. She told of his little hands, his dimples, the little hairs on his arm as she held his hand and said goodbye. She was beside herself when she recalled the ice cold skin, how his bones were stuck in the position he was in when he died, hunched over and stiff as a board.

After she retold her story, she broke down, sobbing for her son, simply repeating over and over "I couldn't save my baby."

I am no stranger to addiction, my father is a recovering alcoholic, a family friend recently died of a cocaine overdose, but there is one thing I know; no one can ever understand or even relate to a mother's love, and when a mother loses her baby, there is nothing in the world that can comfort her. My heart aches for this mother, I pray for her, I cry for her, and I wish no other mother ever has to feel that pain. 

If there is one thing I hope you take from this post, it is that your actions affect so many, especially those close. People with this disease can not see this, can't understand that the few moments of being high, that little trip, are incomparable to the reprocussions that come from it. If you are addicted please get help. If you have ever tried any drugs, don't do it again, it isn't worth it. Do it for your mother.